Rejected by my husband

The days are like anything else. Completely normal, but the week was definitely busy.  We have two little ones and a lot going on.  Almost every night that week I was out of the house.  

He and I are in a weird season of life.  A lot of transition.  Many things unknown and up in the air, and again...two little ones.  (The 3 year old Politician is non-stop.  Non stop moving and TALKING)

That particular day I was feeling pretty disconnected from My Dude.  We had texted a couple times throughout the work day.  Checking in.  Trying to talk through a couple of things that were on our plate.  And communicating some things that I needed.

That night I was a Friday and I was finally home.  I decided to do the dishes and to put the boys down since I had been gone so much that week.  So after all of that it was nearing 10 p.m. and I finally went to hang out with My Dude.  Except, when I got downstairs to where he was he said to me

"Just go to bed.  You've been gone all week and I just want to watch tv."

Ummmm.  Ok.  

"And all that stuff you mentioned earlier...I'm just not feeling like doing it.  I need stuff too, you know."

REJECTED

With my heart hurting and my head down I walked towards the bathroom and got ready for bed.  I laid down and spent the next 30 minutes thinking about:

-how unimportant I was to him.  
-how I had tried to be considerate.
-how I had tried to communicate.
-why if he loved me would he treat me this way.

REJECTED

Needless to say it was a long 30 minutes before he finally came to bed and laid down to go to sleep.

That's when I decided to give it another try.  You see, the thing is, 

He never actually said those things.

Nope.  Not out of his mouth.  As I was becoming aware, those words were my thoughts.  My perception based on his actions.

When I came downstairs he was watching ESPN and just hanging out.  He didn't necessarily look up towards me.  He was tired.  And waiting for me to join him (probably).  And I was tired too.  It was a long week and all I wanted was him to show some interest in my thoughts and feelings. I had communicated earlier.  And it wasn't on his mind

.....Because.....

He is living a life.  One that pulls his thoughts and attention in different directions.

So after he finally came to bed.

I waited.
I felt those uncomfortable moments where I'm having a full conversation in my head about what might happened.
Then I opened my mouth.

I reminded him that I needed to connect.  That it had been a long week and I was missing him.  And you know what?  He comforted me.  That is the reality.  

All those thoughts that we think.  Most of the time they aren't even real.  I come to conclusions based on my history, my hurts and weave them in with my current situation.  And those thoughts, if left alone, can get us exactly where we don't want to be.