But I don't know how...

Starting this post I decided to look up two words:

Intimacy & Vulnerability

Intimacy: Close familiarity or friendship; closeness

This definition was not to shocking.  And actually, it didn't quite give me that feeling of what I wanted to express.  Then came vulnerability.

Vulnerability: 1. Capable of being physically or emotionally wounded 2. Open to attack or damage

Ahhhhh. There it is.  That's what I was looking for.

What an amazing concept when it comes to relationships.  These two things are some of the hardest things in the world.  Hard because very rarely are we taught how to do them.  Why in the world do I ever want to be open to attack or damage? WHY?

Let's look at it this way, with that story we know from our childhood.  The 3 little pigs.  Most of us know this story very well. There are 3 pigs who choose to build their houses 3 different ways.  One with straw, one with sticks, and one with brick.  In our relationships I think of straw as attraction, sticks as love, and brick as emotional intimacy.  

In order to have the relationships that we so desire, they need a foundation built on something.  Otherwise, the attack of the Big Bad Wolf will destroy them.  Money, words that hurt, fear, you name it.  Our relationships are falling apart.  Not just marriages, but friendships and communities.

We all want the fairy tale, the close friendship, community and sometimes we are building these relationships on straw.  Unwilling to open ourselves up to attack or damage.  We stay safe.  In our homes and in our heads.  And we watch the world go by as we envy the lives of others in their awesome relationships, with their best friends, and loving life, all because we are afraid to be open. 

Something that strikes me is that vulnerable does not mean we will be attacked..it simply states that we have to be OPEN to it. Think about this for a minute.

Open: allowing access, passage, or a view through an empty space; not closed or blocked up.

So I ask, how can we have intimacy without being open.  Allowing access to our thoughts, our feelings, and our truth. Will you be attacked? Maybe.  But what if you're not.  What will you have then?

Let me tell you about this couple.  (Cute aren't we?!)

We got this way because of long moments.  Sentences.  Feelings.  Pause.  And pain.  And some of the words spoken between us took minutes, hours, and months to get out. And the foundation of our relationship was built with a long pause, an opening of a mouth (or writing in a journal and passing it to the other person...yes...this actually happened) and saying words that we didn't know how they would be received. 

It's hard.  It's awkward.  And it's worth it.