All I want to do is cry

You know that moment when the thing that you've wanted for so long finally comes true and all you can do is

CRY...

Wait.  What?

About 6.5 years ago the Dude and I moved from Texas back to Kansas.  We are both originally from the Kansas City area and were thrilled to be closer.  Living 2 hours away from home seemed like nothing.  We could go to KC and back home in one day if we wanted.

All seemed right.

For the first 4 years we were back in KS all I wanted to do was return to KC.  It's something I prayed about all the time and longed for.  The first attempt to return to KC happened after 2 years.  And the door was shut.  So we stayed.  And two more times over the 2 years after that.  Door shut.  

Finally I decided to check in.  "Well," I thought.  "We've been here for almost 5 years so I might as well start caring."  Start checking into the city.  Start caring about really connecting with more people.  Invest our time in getting to know the nuances of the place we would call home for a while.  We've had 2 babies here.  Lived in the same awesome place for 4 years.  My Dude finally got that masters degree he's been wanting.  And landed a good job.  All was good.  

And then, he randomly applied for a job 3 months ago back in KC.  Not because he dislikes his job, but because it was open and it sparked his interest.

Well fast forward to today.  He will be accepting a new job and we will move in 6 weeks!

WHAT?  WHAT IS HAPPENING?

Why am I crying?

I'm crying because finally.  Finally, that moment when I feel like I've fully checked in, the rug is being pulled out from under me.  

Logically I know that everything that awaits us in KC is right and good and perfect timing.  And still I'm sad.

So I'll choose to sit in my feelings and feel them.  I won't stuff them or forget about them because they seem so illogical.  

I'll just feel.  And be grateful for a this time of life in this town.

But today? Today I'll be sad.