Choosing Contentment

When I was 22 years old I had just graduated college from a small University in southeast Kansas.  Luckily for me I had a job lined up in the Great State of Texas. All I wanted was to be in the same state as My Dude.  We had spent the last 4.5 years dating long distance (best thing that ever happened to us…remind me to tell you about that later) and I couldn’t wait to be closer to him.  Things were so simple then.  I had no one else to consider or worry about.  Just concerned about my life and where it was going. 

Over the next few years we had more and more friends that were getting married, buying houses, getting new cars.  You know the story.  And somewhere in that time from 2004 to 2006 the comparison disease grew.  Looking more and more at what others had and comparing my life and where we were at to our friends and how far ahead they seemed to be.

In my eyes we were falling further and further behind.  We finally (think of the exaggerated drama of a 13 year old) got married in the summer of 2006 after dating for 7.5 years.  We lived in the dorms, ahem…I mean residence halls, with 900+ students, and drove a 1996 GMC Jimmy that My Dude had driven since 2000.

After some twists and turns we found ourselves in Ft. Worth. I had no regular job, My Dude did commercial real estate, and we lived in a cute little apartment.  It was all good until the market crashed in 2008.  Quickly we fell further and further behind our comparison marking friends.  We both worked valet jobs and learned the real value of a budget.

It was the best of times…it was the worst of times.

In the summer of 2009 we moved back to Kansas and lived with my siblings.  There were 5 of us in that house.  My brother, Sister, her boyfriend (now husband), me and My Dude all lived in a 3 bedroom house. (Thankfully there were 2 living rooms…otherwise I’m not sure we all would have made it out of there alive.  No.  Seriously)  It was such a challenging time.

All of that to say, we found ourselves in a tough spot, definitely financially, but mostly emotionally.  We were 27 years old. I worked as a grocery store department manager.  My Dude was close to starting a new job in “sales” (he’ll like those loose quotes) and we lived with my younger siblings.

But that is truly when we started to understand how to be grateful. 

We had not experienced things a lot of other American’s were experiencing. We had a good amount of debt, no idea where our careers were going to go, but now we had consistent paying jobs.  We were able to pay our bills.  Made a plan for getting out of debt.. which we are still working on 7 years later (you know it takes a while sometimes. Especially when you add grad school to the mix) but we are getting there.  We have 2 awesome kids and the best rental situation in town.

Have you ever taken time to really sit and think about all of the things you are grateful for? I mean really look at it?  

Usually I start off with the things I am grateful for but don’t really, really, know the depths of appreciation that I should feel.  I am grateful for the roof over my head but I’ve never been homeless.  I am grateful for the food I get to eat but have never really been hungry.

At some point and at some level it is a CHOICE.  To choose to be grateful.  To choose to see all that we really have and to let the rest go.  Let go of the comparison, the wishing I could get a break from my kids  only to want them back the second they are gone, to wishing I owned a house, or even a second car.

And I yell at myself. “GET OVER IT!  What?  GET OVER YOURSELF!”

So recently I decided to start being content. Yes, because it is a choice.

CONTENT: In a state of peaceful happiness.

And that is what I long to choose every day.  No matter the circumstances.  I am not great at it but I am practicing well.

And on mornings like today, when it’s 6:45am and all I wanted is a little time to read alone before the day started, I can move on from my plans to watch a little Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with my not always sweet 3 year old.